But as a son, no matter how far you have ventured into manhood yourself, you are never prepared to tell your father goodbye. I know this for a fact.
[QFMFT. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember taking a couple midterms just after finding out about it.
It wasn’t really surprising to either my mom or I, cancer’s a bitch like that you know. A friend of mine actually came up to the UW the day before to give me a ride home so I could say goodbye since it was obviously coming. I said my goodbye’s though a part of me wishes I hadn’t because that is the image burned into my head, not as I saw him when I left back to UW that Sunday night. That Sunday night was when he said his final goodbye to me.
I still wasn’t ready for it though. Nothing ever really makes you ready for it. I remember the Calculus test I took shortly after my mom told me over the phone. I don’t however remember what I got on it. I do remember the TA and professor looking at me like I was nuts. My dad would have kicked my ass for using it as an excuse and I knew it.
Luckily the next week was Thanksgiving break, my roommate and I played a couple of rounds of Command and Conquer Generals as well as Ghost Recon trying to keep my mind off of it.
Come to think of it, I think that’s also when we recreated part of the battle of Gettysburg on the ceiling of our dorm room.
You thought I was kidding didn’t you? Sadly I can’t find the rest of the pictures I took.
The wife was in the Cougar marching band and Apple Cup was at UW that year. I drove back up early Saturday morning and worked on homework and played games.
I don’t remember who won, I do remember walking back across campus to the dorm with her after the game and someone said something derogatory about her, it was then I knew I was in the second stage of grief. While wearing a UW sweatshirt I replied, “Said like a true Hucking Fusky” and just squared my shoulders back while looking at him. They peeled off as some of his friends urged him and we continue across campus uninterrupted.
There’s no way I would have swung first, but I kind of wanted someone to try it. I wanted someone to fill in for the nameless unseen mass that had upended my life. I wanted something to direct my anger and rage at.
I never really denied it, for the most part I just accepted it. Just because I accepted it doesn’t mean I was happy about it.
While you can prepare for death as much as you would like, no matter what it just never seems to be enough. Death however is a fact of life and boy does it suck. -B]