Pardon the Laughter

Mr. Weissmann, speaking at a University of San Francisco conference called “Big Brother in the 21st Century” on Friday, said that the court ruling prompted the FBI to turn off about 3,000 GPS tracking devices that were in use.

Currently they’re trying to figure out how they’re going to get the devices back without a warrant.  Why are they having problems?

For instance, he said, agency is now “wrestling” with the legality of whether agents can lift up the lid of a trash can without committing trespass. The majority opinion in U.S. v. Jones held that the agents had trespassed when placing the GPS device on a car without warrant.

They’re going to try the ask nicely route.  Because what judge is going to sign a warrant because you placed things illegally on someone’s car to begin with?

I’m sure any such conversation is going to go something like this:

Me: Can I help you?

FBI: Yes sir, see we were illegally monitoring your vehicle and we need to get our GPS back now.

Me: Which vehicle was it on?

FBI: Well sir we can just grab it if you’ll let us.

Me: You were illegally monitoring my vehicle and now you think I’m going to let you near it again? Which vehicle?

FBI: Your truck, on the rear bumper.

Me: Pulls it off and says, “I’ll Idaho Stress test it and send you the pieces and results.” *slams door*

Then I would proceed to dissect and reverse engineer it, document it, and then blow up the parts.  Then being a man of my word I’d mail them the pieces with a piece of paper that says, “You crap failed.”